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A Letter to the Child Who Made me a Mom

PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome). It’s a common syndrome in women, and for some it can cause fertility issues. 
As a young woman who wants children, this news is heartbreaking. On top of that, I was also 200 pounds overweight which has a whole set of childbearing restraints on it’s own.  As far back as I can remember, as a little girl playing with her baby dolls, I dreamed of being a mommy. Holding my babydoll I would sing to her, rock her back and forth, and do all of the things I had seen my older sister do with her babies.
And that feeling never left my heart as I grew older. 
So now that we are moving closer to Mothers Day, I want to share a letter to the child who made a mom in honor of the single most special day of the year for me. 
My Long Road to Becoming a Mom
Dear McKenna,
At a young age, I was told there was a good chance I wouldn’t be able to have children, or at least it would be challenging because I had what is called In my early 20s, I decided it was time to make some lifesty…

It's all mine

The chaos is mine
The peace that follows is mine
The randomness is mine
The order in that randomness is mine
The frightening darkness is mine
The blinding light is mine
The moon begging to be seen is mine
The music in the swaying trees is mine
The clouds forming rainbows in the skies are mine
The wildness in the roar of the flowing water is mine
The sparkle in the stars are mine
The choice is mine
The power to choose is mine

An unprecedented time

Okay I get it. This is real. For a while I thought it was a farce; a dystopian narrative like in a movie or a book that are so popular nowadays. Unfortunately, I was wrong. 
I never thought I'd live through a time like this when every day is worse than the day before and there's no end in sight, at least not for the foreseeable future. My training never prepared me for this. But fortunately, I’m a rational being and I'm not scared easily. Plus, my work gives me succor because I feel I'm making a difference.

The very nature of my profession (I’m a physician) has taught me to be calm and do my job. The problem though is the uncertainty. What was ‘the norm’ yesterday is taboo today and who knows what tomorrow will bring. This is a new disease and a new virus. There's no actual cure though there are multiple potential cocktails being flaunted and used. They haven't been diligently studied or tested but have brought vital hope. 
My thoughts change every day. It seems…

My New World

I am grateful and proud of this piece that I wrote for Charlotte Readers Podcast in this difficult time.
Listen to me reading this piece here
at 5 minutes 45 seconds.

My New world
Nearly empty streets, the deafening silence occasionally interrupted by stray sounds of cars passing by, quarantined smiles, waiting to be returned, fear speaking louder than ever before, welcome to the new world created by COVID-19. Technology is now my new friend, the camera on my phone is my new window to the outside world.
I meet friends and family on video call, averaging on speaking to at least one new person every few days. Now, everyone has time for me, to talk, to connect, to express their thoughts on the uncertainty that is holding the world to ransom. After the initial week of shock and disbelief on where this was heading, I transitioned to dwelling in the bubble of self-created positivity. I wanted to believe everything about the messages on social media, screaming and shouting on making the …

An ode to my writer friend

A Rich Soul

You were a rich soul Scott,
blessed with an abundance of words
laced with rhyme

Your wealth of experiences
reflected through your every word
enriching my mind
stirring my emotions
in ways that I did not know existed.

You wore your words like an armor
shielding yourself from the harshness of the world
Your words worked as a mirror
that bared your soul

Your kind words were your crown
making you stand out
in a world that was not as kind to you

You were a rich man Scott
and you left us with your priceless words
and precious memories
that have left us wanting for more.

A prolific poet, an artist, a friend and most importantly a noble soul, Dear Scott, you were the heartbeat of our writing group. You were a craftsman who effortlessly brought art to life with the rhyme and rhythm of your poetry. You were the master of breathing life into the words, which worked as a lens for us to watch your life in the past, present and the future.

"I wish everyday was Thursday," you wo…

Talking from her heart

Her calming voice and engaging conversation drew me to listen to her podcasts titled Don’t just breathe…live! I enjoyed listening to insights on optimizing relationships, happiness, thinking positive when you are going through a rough patch, success in your personal life and most importantly focusing on the relationship that you have with yourself. Nimisha’s podcasts are all about giving yourself permission to be yourself, focus on your strengths, work on your deficits, without apologizing for who you are and live life to the fullest.

1.I love the name of your podcast, how did you come up with it?
 After wasting 4 years in an abusive marriage, the only thing I realized is that once you have wasted your precious time in living the kind of life you never wanted, no amount of money can buy it back. Don't just breathe.. Live! has been my life mantra since then as I have seen people living the same routine for years and calling it a life. Months, years and decades are wasted in thinkin…

This too shall pass!

It’s been hard battling those feelings coupled with anxiety and unpredictability that is staring at us in the face. Like most of you, I am also suffocating with the social distancing, drowning in the fear of the unknown, my heart sinking every time I look at the growing numbers of COVID-19 cases around the world. While I force myself to laugh at the memes, forwards and the forced humor that is going around to distract me from the horror of the pandemic, I am missing meeting friends, my brand new & inspiring yoga class, participating at my local writing groups, worrying about the possible loss of the school year and swallowing the bitter pill that I might not be able to visit my home country this year too, after the unexpectedly long wait of five years. I am also working on accepting that it's going to be a while before my dishwasher is fixed. Cheers to more exercise for my fingers! The present crisis has made few unpleasant memories from the past surface. The emphasis on s…

Interview

Honored to be interviewed by another blogger. This was a wonderful way for me to re-live the journey of my writing life. I would love for you to share your experiences, views and thoughts. Read the full interview here